And now for something completely different

I am avoidant. I see the influence people have on each other, how a subtle word dropped can spin someone off onto an entirely different train of thought, not always constructive. When doing creative work, this is energizing. When collaborating, it gives rise to new ideas, making the whole greater than the sum of its parts. But I see it all too often not being used for constructive purposes, and despite my attention to this, I fail too often to have a constructive influence on others. I let myself get carried away with my opinions and often speak without thinking first.

I see people's patterns of behavior, as we all do, and I see my influence on them. I can and have let this awareness cripple me socially. I am afraid to speak my mind, especially when I'm in a conversation involving opinions about why things are the way they are. A lot of the content on this blog is here because I want or need to get it out, but fear to speak directly to people because my opinions about the state of our democracy are not constructive. My perspective may be accurate. This country may be lost. Our freedom clearly and objectively isn't what it used to be. But stating that opinion does nothing to change that fact, and one possible result of speaking it is that I may encourage someone else to drop out, making the problem worse. So I've learned to mostly keep a lid on it.

But sometimes I have a positive influence despite my fear. I have learned a lot about how I work and what I need to be happy. One tool I've gained to help me coexist is meditation. I discovered transcendental meditation about 5 years ago. I discovered mindfulness mediation a little later. It has not been a silver bullet for me, but instead part of a set of constructive habits I've tried to build in order to keep me in the light. I have a friend who has seen my improvement and asked what I did to get a handle on my problems, because we have some similarities. I can talk about meditation without fear of it coming from the wrong place and not being constructive. I truly love that. I don't have to think about what I'm saying or how I'm saying it or how someone might take it and use it for nefarious ends. It doesn't matter, because nothing bad can come out of introducing someone to meditation, unlike the topics of politics, current events, religion, philosophy, science, sports. It's right up there with the weather. Actually, it's better than talking about the weather. 

It remains one of the best things I have ever done for my mental health. So how does meditation work? I'm not an expert, so you can read about it from Psychology Today.